grateful

Shannon's benefit dinner was yesterday. I obviously wasn't able to make it because It was in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan and, well, I'm in Calgary, Alberta. I wish I could have gone.

I wish I could have went if only for the fact that it was a celebration of all the things Shannon was. No crying, no mourning, just pure celebration. I feel a little guilty being so disconnected from it, but I'm not disconnected because I think about her everyday, multiple times throughout my day. Most of the time I find myself thinking about her in a way that is focused on "I can't believe she isn't here", "I can't believe she isn't going to celebrate christmas this year", "I can't believe she won't be at my reception". Its is all so unbelievable. I never would have thought forward to my life at almost 26 and known or came close to guessing that I wouldn't have Shannon here.

I do feel very lucky. I feel lucky to have had her in my life. I feel lucky that I know I was her best friend as confidently as I know she was my best friend. It also makes me feel fortunate for my family and friends. So, the point being, this Christmas I will be sad for the loss of my best friend, but I'll also remember to be thankful for what I have and for having her in my life for as long as I did.

this smile might also have something to do with me feeling thankful